Cyndi Cross
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When we go to my parents house, I go down the hallway & shut their bedroom doors not long after we arrive. Lacey doesn’t and hasn’t actually pee’d in their house, but she pooped in the office (my old bedroom) once. Thankfully, it wasn’t a messy poop, so it was easily cleaned up. I had a cat (Toby) in that room (1980-1983). Toby had pee’d in the closet (on wood floors) – and my mom & I did what we could to deodorize & neutralize the pee odor in that closet. But, where Lace pooped wasn’t anywhere near the closet, so …. ?? The only other animals who have been in the house, have been my brothers (former) dog Ziggy; my dog Zoey (when she was alive), and my son’s dog (also named Toby); and I don’t think that Tobe’s goes down the hallway much (nor did Zo; and I’m not sure about Ziggy), so I’m not sure why Lacey pooped in that room … except that I missed a cue. It happened once and then I caught her (in mid squat) before she could do it again. Now I’m super vigilant about either closing the doors, or finding out where she is in the house, to potentially avoid another mess. She hasn’t tried it elsewhere in the house, just the office.
Lace is usually really good about making sure we know when she needs to go potty – and she has never been a “marker,” as has my son’s dog, Toby (BIG time); but she either didn’t let me know that she needed to go potty – or I completely missed her cues (and that’s entirely possible). But, I know dog’s establish territory by both peeing AND pooping. When my son first got him, Toby used to pee on a particular bathroom rug (it was a brand new rug, on brand new ceramic tile, so he just sort of chose that spot to pee). Every time I washed that rug, and laid it down again – Toby would bee-line to it and pee again. When Shaun moved into his house, he used the exact same rugs in his bathroom, and Toby hasn’t pee’d on them again (go figure …). Zoey always pooped around the perimeter of the fence (we have squirrels, cats, deer, raccoons, marmot’s, some neighbor dogs, etc); and it seems to be the preferred place for Lace to poop as well.
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Allie & Judy, I just want to thank you both so much for your support, encouragement & suggestions. This is exactly what I needed to hear. The muzzles I ordered should arrive today, and I’ll be working on conditioning Lacey to accepting the one I believe she will feel most comfortable with; and then we’ll be better prepared in the future. I recently watched Mikes video on muzzles, and will be watching it several more times to refresh my memory as I work with Lace.
Lacey’s exam was done on the floor. She’s a big enough pup that she won’t fit onto the stainless table at our clinic, even if she were laying down. But, I will definitely keep that suggestion in mind should we ever get a smaller dog (I kind of doubt it, lol – I like big dogs), and will suggest it to my friend who has a Maltipoo. Maybe it will help her Tazzy if he ever gets uncomfortable with an exam. I know Karen will appreciate the suggestion!
I think I have a decent restraint hold with Lace that seems to calm her (it’s the same hold I used when my SIL was threatening Lacey over Thanksgiving). If I’d been thinking straight – I’d have gotten down and held her before the doc started poking & prodding. Hopefully, we’ll never encounter this type of situation again, and if we do, I will have the presence of mind to get down and hold Lace – or simply put a halt to the exam and ask for a different vet to come in. In retrospect, that’s what I should have done the other night. I knew that this doc wasn’t a good fit for my girl; but I didn’t follow my instincts and I regret it. Thankfully, this particular doc will never see Lacey again, because our usual vet will be back in the office in March, and we’re moving cross country (also in March). We’ll be looking for a new vet; and I’ll be following your suggestion on the “meet & greet.”
Allie, thank you for telling me that telling Lacey “it’s alright” wouldn’t reinforce her fear emotions – I *needed* to hear that. I have so much to unlearn from my previous positive only training/mentality.
On the better news front: Lacey has been allowing me to put the drops in her ears – pretty much, like a champ. The first night was (understandably) a bit of a struggle, but the subsequent nights have gotten easier … I always talk to her while I put the drops in and massage her ears & the sides of her head afterwards – and she seems to really like that a lot. She trusts me. She knows that I’m helping her, and that her ears are starting to feel better. Plus, she gets cookies when we’re all done. And, cookies solve all of the worlds ills for a Lacey dog. 😊
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Hi @pajoafcha
Thank you so much for your response. 🙂I’ve done a great deal of thinking about this incident since it happened – analyzing it – replaying it over and over in my mind – and I’ve come to the conclusion that what I did was the correct thing to do. I allowed Lacey to voice her discomfort with the 2 humans who had come into my parents home and upset the tranquility.
I kept remembering one of Mike’s lectures in which he said (something about) wanting a dog to growl, because a growl is sometimes the first indication you will get that a bite can/might occur. That message kept running through my mind (along with frantically trying to figure out how I was going to turn this situation around for everyone) during the entire time my SIL was yelling & threatening my dog.
Equating it to “human” – when I was a child, I was repeatedly chastised for having bad/uncomfortable feelings about certain people with whom I was uncomfortable with, yet forced to be around them. I was even told/taught to “like” them. It taught me to silence & disregard that inner “spidey sense” telling me to remove myself from dangerous situations, and I’ve paid a price for it. As an adult, I’ve had to learn the lessons that I should have learned as a child … Consequently, when my children were little, I taught them that if they ever felt uncomfortable with any person(s), or a situation, that they should let me know, so that I could remove them immediately. Thankfully, both know how to remove themselves from dangerous situations, and both have incredible instincts about people. Both listen to their “spidey senses.”
In my way of thinking, Lacey is like a child who needs to be allowed to express her feelings. I want to hear her growl, because I might somehow miss her body language (telling me her that she’s stressed). If I miss her body language – and I’ve taught her to not growl when she feels insecure or uncomfortable, then she could potentially end up biting someone – and that won’t be her fault, it will be mine. Mine, because I silenced a very necessary form of communication from/for her.
I want Lacey to be a chill and friendly dog – and she is (well … she’s a puppy, so she’s still a bit hyper, lol). But, more than that – I want her to be a secure & happy dog. Lacey doesn’t display dominance or dominance aggression – this was the first (and, still, only) time I’ve ever heard her growl at another human. I truly believe that this was simply a case of my girl, feeling my (and my mothers) anxiety about the two people (one in particular) who had just entered a space in which Lacey wasn’t sure they were supposed to be. She was uncertain of what was happening, and probably feeling protective of me and my parents (whom she loves) – and honestly, I think I’m good with that, because I’m interested in doing some personal protection work with her in a couple of years.
After the incident, I tried explaining “dog” to my brother – who was/is completely uninterested. While he acknowledges that his wife was wrong in the way she behaved; and although he didn’t offer any suggestions on how to accomplish it, he still believes that I was also wrong for not somehow “correcting” Lacey. So, my solution? We will simply make sure that we are never around them again. It’s sad that it has to be this way, but “it is what it is” and it isn’t likely to ever change.
I hope all of this made sense.
Thank you again for your input, Pablo. I appreciate that you took the time to read & respond. It’s always good to hear from other trainers, for a different perspective.
@Allie McCain – thank you for posting Q&A 128 for Mikes discussion/explanation on my post. You rock. 🙂
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I can’t speak to the calmness protocol; but, out of curiosity – are some of these people maybe trying to “rescue” your dog(s) from being “locked up” in your vehicle? We have people here in STL who will break out vehicle windows to “rescue” a dog that isn’t in any actual danger. I had to stop taking Zoey with me on errands if I had to leave her alone in my truck for a few minutes. We would run my errands, then head over to PetsMart or PetCo to go sniff around for a bit, and then sometimes to the puppy park to play. I was always extremely cognizant of the temperature, finding a shady spot, making sure she had plenty of ventilation, water, and how long she would need to be left alone in my vehicle … but because of some of these people (and the fear that someone would break out my truck windows trying to “rescue” her) – I had to stop.
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OK. Finally getting back to this! I’m so sorry that it’s taken me so long to get back to this. Our cross country move got pushed out to mid April – but, we now have a solid move-in date, a house to move into as soon as we get to Cali, set up new renters for our landlord here in STL, and I’ve gotten a decent start on my packing – but I have sooooo much more left to do. 😯🙃
Ladies, as always, thank you SO MUCH for your input & suggestions on my situation. I can’t tell you how much your different viewpoints help me.
I’ve had the muzzles for almost a couple of weeks, and finally have a little more time to actually really start working on Lacey with them. I’m not expecting a return trip to the vet at least until after Dr. C gets back to the clinic in March. Lacey will not be seeing Dr F again – I won’t allow it. But, @Allie I’ll start working with Lacey on a comfortable restraint hold as well. I think I’ve got a good one, but I wouldn’t actually know unless/until I’m in a similar situation again. I will play with it and work with her a bit to perfect it. [In other news, working with putting the drops in her ears, and treating her between ears has worked out very well. I only have to put the drops in for another day or two, and I’m really proud of how well she’s done. She doesn’t like getting the drops – but she loves getting cookies more – so that’s a small win that I’ll take.
I am also going to start working toward conditioning Lacey to the nail trimming. We’ve taken her to a groomer not far away to clip her nails in the past, but I honestly would like to learn to do it; and I think I should. I just wish I’d started sooner when she was smaller – but I didn’t join K9-1 until she was 9 months old. I hope to do a little conditioning & maybe trim (initially) a nail a day until I need to trim them again – then I’ll build on it.
@broccoli , I liked your thoughts on tolerance. I copied everything off and will be rereading & letting things really soak in while I work toward conditioning Lacey with the muzzle, vet visits (as we’ll be getting started with a new doctor in a new state), nail clipping, restraint holds – everything.
Anyway, y’all are the best – and I so appreciate your support & encouragement!
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Hi Shoko,
I was actually working on my response to Pablo when I saw yours come in. Thank you so much for your input & perspective. I believe my response to Pablo, may have covered your “five cents” (I 😍 how you put that!) as well; and I think that you and I are on the same page as far as treating my situation as if having a child placed in a bad situation, and the best way to respond to it.
We each (my brother & SIL and I) live 3 hours from my parents house; so it wasn’t a situation where we could just pick up and leave – believe me, if we could have immediately left, we would have …. but, my parents are in their mid-late 80’s, we were there for the weekend, and my brother & SIL only came for the day. Alllllll family gatherings that involve my SIL seem to start with a disruption that she creates – which is why gatherings rarely occur, and why we have lived in the same city as my brother for 8.5 years and have seen them twice.
I won’t be putting Lacey in a position of being around the SIL again, and have already told my mother. She understood & agreed. Mom & Dad love Lacey, and Lace loves them – and, frankly, Lacey is just more important than willingly placing her in an uncomfortable situation that could end poorly for everyone.
Again, thank you so much for your input. I deeply appreciate all perspectives from the trainers here.
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Well, that’s rude. Gee whiz. 🙄🤐
I’m sure someone here can help you with some calmness training for you & your dog’s peace.