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Cyndi CrossMemberOctober 7, 2022 at 8:34 pm690
This article resonates so deeply with me …
We lost Zoey on Feb 20, 2021 from canine hemangiosarcoma. And, although it has lessoned over time, the pain has never gone away – and it never will. I still deeply miss my Zoey girl. But, I can finally focus on some of the most incredible things about Zo, and have tucked those things into my heart. Her submissive smile; her helicopter tail wag; what a great traveler she was; what an amazing companion she made; her grunt/groan when she was made to wait for something; the way she opened Christmas gifts, like a “people”; the way she carefully carried her woobies around; the way she joyously lept onto the very first bed I ever made her; her glow the very first time she saw the ocean & played dog beach … those memories both lift me up, and bring tears to my eyes. I also have a small shrine to Zo in “dog training central” (where I keep all my “dog” books, toys & training supplies). It helps me to remember her and how I started this journey with K9-1.
Sadly, I decided that the faster I adopted another dog, the faster I would heal. Man, I was wrong. We adopted a family dog, about 2 weeks after Zoey passed. Big mistake. When we decided to rehome her, we contacted a family member who, unbeknownst to us, had always wanted Ginny. But, I wasn’t ready – I couldn’t connect with her. I couldn’t be for her what she needed. I was still reeling from Zo’s death and felt like such a huge failure … My feeling of loss was too great a hurdle to get over. It wasn’t fair to her, to keep her, knowing that I could never love her the way she deserved to be loved. The night before we delivered her to her new daddy, I laid down beside her, petted her & cried, and told her that this was *my* failure, not hers – she just deserved better than me.
Gin is now living her best dog life ever, on a farm in Idaho, doing what she was bred to be – a bird dog. While giving up Ginny still stings sometimes – I know that I made the best thing for her, that I could have; and the blessing she has been to her new family has been remarkable.
When we met Lacey, I knew in my heart that she was the absolute right pup for us. Lacey, btw, was born 3 days before Zoey died; so I’ve always believed, that she was being prepared for us before Zoey left us. There are still days when I feel that tremendous loss and I cry – sometimes uncontrollably; and on those days, Lacey comes and licks my tears away … She could not be anymore perfect for our family and we love her so deeply for the amazing pup that she has grown into.
I hope you’ll find peace and healing in the days & weeks to come.